Who should be first? My spouse or my children?

Sometimes I hear women say that their husbands are not related to them, so only their children matter.

Let`s put it very simply: if you truly love your children, you will set the best example of love for them by giving your spouse the cleanest, highest, most selfless, uplifting, and rewarding quality of love.

False cultural traditions don`t bring us happinessMany will say that you can love your children with a perfect love without caring for or cultivating so much love for your spouse. Some will even say that you can not love your partner and you can love your children. That would be as foolish as saying that you can be living in conflict and hating your parents and at the same time having completely healthy interpersonal relationships.Let`s dismantle those traditional ideas in our culture that limit our ability to have strong and stable emotional relationships. I don`t like to call them “myths” because myths are stories that illustrate events or that explain the state of things in their own way. These ideas are not myths, but ideas transmitted by teaching or by cultural tradition, but which lack logical, ethical or practical support.It is not a hidden fact that scholars of human behavior, such as psychologists, anthropologists, sociologists, etc., have noticed that the optimal development of the child and adolescent occurs in a family environment in which you can observe how parents give each other respect , deference, consideration and mutual interest, that is, they love each other, which configures the model according to which the child or adolescent will build their personal conception of personal relationships.Loving your partner is the best gift you can give your childrenMutual love between spouses fertilizes the capacity to love children, because they are the result, the embodiment and the manifestation of the conjugal union in many ways. If a child detects that the love of one parent for the other is dispensable, this can sow a seed of doubt and fear regarding how dispensable love for her can be for her parents.Do you think I`m exaggerating? Children of separated parents, divorced or who live in an environment in which there are few or nonexistent signs of mutual love, experience guilt, because they often feel that raising and caring for them is what has caused the disagreements. In most cases, the children not only deal with the absence of the father who left the home, but an irrational, unconscious, but real fear is installed in them that the father they live with could do without them in any moment.Of course, this fear has little or no basis, but the fears are not rational and therefore very difficult to eradicate. As a result, it will be very difficult for the child who lives in that uncertainty to be able to perceive a reality within his reach in which there is a constant, patient, selfless and stable love that serves as a reflection of the love that he is capable of giving and to receive. This makes him distrustful in his personal relationships and it is very difficult for him to establish friendships, courtships and other lasting, stable and — most importantly — rewarding romantic relationships.Finally, your children are not "for you"You must understand that in an ideal model of life, your children are not for you. You are not supposed to raise your children in order to give you the love, care and affection that a partner such as a boyfriend or husband should give you. On the contrary, you must prepare them so that they can be happy in making their own decisions and living their own life, which includes looking for and finding that person with whom they want to spend the rest of their life.Ultimately, your spouse is completely and absolutely your own free choice. If something has not gone well, you should both remember that you chose each other, and that must be very positive: someone you liked noticed you. Your child, by witnessing the story of his parents every day, and seeing their mutual help and love closely, will know that love is real, that its power is greater than many adversities and that happiness is possible.

Publication Date: 2018-12-23

Source: Familias.com:Rafael Vasquez